Lucian Lexiphanes 17

[17] I have been quietly wondering from what source you have culled so much pestilential stuff, and how long it took you, and where you locked up and kept such a swarm of outlandish distorted expressions, of which you made some yourself and resurrected others from the graves in which they lay buried somewhere. As the verse puts it, such a mess of filthy bilge water did you get together and fling over me, when I had done you no harm at all. Youseem to me not only to be destitute of friends and relatives and well-wishers but never to have fallen in with an independent man practising frank- ness, who by telling you the truth might have relieved you, dropsical as you are and in danger of bursting with the disease, although to yourself you appear to be in good point and you consider your calami the pink of condition. You are praised by the fools, to be sure, who do not know what ails you; but the intelligent fittingly pity you.

[17] Where in the world can you have raked up all this rubbish from? How long has it taken you? Or what sort of a hive could ever keep together such a swarm of lop-sided monstrosities? Of some you are the proud creator, the rest you have dug up from dark lurking-places, till ’tis Curse on you, piling woe on mortal woe!

How have you gathered all the minor sewers into one cloaca maxima, and discharged the whole upon my innocent head! Have you never a friend or relation or well-wisher? Did you never meet a plain-dealer to give you a dose of candour? That would have cured you. You are dropsical, man; you are like to burst with it; and you take it for muscular healthy stoutness; you are congratulated only by the fools who do not see what is the matter; the instructed cannot help being sorry for you.