Lucian of Samosata, Alexander, Austin Morris Harmon (Translator), 25

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[25] When at last many sensible men, recovering, as it were, from profound intoxication, combined against him, especially all the followers of Epicurus, and when in the cities they began gradually to detect all the trickery and buncombe of the show, he issued a promulgation designed to scare them, saying that Pontus was full of atheists and Christians who had the hardihood to utter the vilest abuse of him; these he bade them drive away with stones if they wanted to have the god gracious. About Epicurus, moreover, he delivered himself of an oracle after this sort; when someone asked him how Epicurus was doing in Hades, he replied:

With leaden fetters on his feet in filthy mire he sitteth.

Do you wonder, then, that the shrine waxed great, now that you see that the questions of its visitors were intelligent and refined?

In general, the war that he waged upon Epicurus was without truce or parley, naturally enough. Upon whom else would a quack who loved humbug and bitterly hated truth more fittingly make war than upon Epicurus, who discerned the nature of things and alone knew the truth in them? The followers of Plato and Chrysippus and Pythagoras were his friends, and there was profound peace with them; but “the impervious Epicurus ’—for that is what he called him—was rightly his bitter enemy, since he considered all that sort of thing a laughingmatter and a joke. So Alexander hated Amastris most of all the cities in Pontus because he knew that the followers of Lepidus¹ and others like them were numerous in the city; and he would never deliver an oracle to an Amastrian. Once when he did venture to make a prediction for a senator’s brother, he acquitted himself ridiculously, since he could neither compose a clever response himself nor find anyone else who could do it in time. The man complained of colic, and Alexander, wishing to direct him to eat a pig’s foot cooked with mallow, said:

Mallow with cummin digest in a sacred pipkin of piglets.

Alexander. Lucian of Samosata. Austin Morris Harmon (Translator). United States. Perseus 5.0.

Funding provided by National Endowment for the Humanities.

Current edition Perseus

Alexander the False Prophet (English) (Lucian, Vol. 4. Harmon, Austin Morris, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1925 (printing).)

Editions (1)

Ἀλέξανδρος ἢ Ψευδόμαντις Perseus (Lucian, Vol. 4. Harmon, Austin Morris, editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1925 (printing).) — 25 focus

[25] ἐπεὶ δὲ ἤδη πολλοὶ τῶν νοῦν ἐχόντων ὥσπερ ἐκ μέθης βαθείας ἀναφέροντες συνίσταντο ἐπʼ αὐτόν, καὶ μάλιστα ὅσοι Ἐπικούρου ἑταῖροι ἦσαν,¹ καὶ ἐν ταῖς πόλεσιν ἐπεφώρατο ἠρέμα ἡ πᾶσα μαγγανεία καὶ συσκευὴ τοῦ δράματος, ἐκφέρει φόβητρόν τι ἐπʼ αὐτούς, λέγων ἀθέων ἐμπεπλῆσθαι καὶ Χριστιανῶν τὸν Πόντον, οἳ περὶ αὐτοῦ τολμῶσι τὰ κάκιστα βλασφημεῖν· οὓς ἐκέλευε λίθοις ἐλαύνειν, εἴ γε θέλουσιν ἵλεω ἔχειν τὸν θεόν. περὶ δὲ Ἐπικούρου καὶ τοιοῦτόν τινα χρησμὸν ἀπεφθέγξατο· ἐρομένου γάρ τινος τί πράττει ἐν Ἅιδου ὁ Ἐπίκουρος;

Μολυβδίνας ἔχων, ἔφη, πέδας ἐν βορβόρῳ κάθηται.

εἶτα θαυμάζεις εἰ ἐπὶ μέγα ἤρθη τὸ χρηστήριον, ὁρῶν τὰς ἐρωτήσεις τῶν προσιόντων συνετὰς καὶ πεπαιδευμένας;

ὅλως δὲ ἄσπονδος καὶ ἀκήρυκτος αὐτῷ ὁ πόλεμος πρὸς Ἐπίκουρον ἦν· μάλα εἰκότως. τίνι γὰρ ἂν ἄλλῳ δικαιότερον προσεπολέμει γόης ἄνθρωπος καὶ τερατείᾳ φίλος, ἀληθείᾳ δὲ ἔχθιστος, ἢ Ἐπικούρῳ ἀνδρὶ τὴν φύσιν τῶν πραγμάτων καθεωρακότι καὶ μόνῳ τὴν ἐν αὐτοῖς ἀλήθειαν εἰδότι; οἱ μὲν γὰρ ἀμφὶ τὸν Πλάτωνα καὶ Χρύσιππον καὶ Πυθαγόραν φίλοι, καὶ εἰρήνη βαθεῖα πρὸς ἐκείνους ἦν· ὁ δὲ ἄτεγκτος Ἐπίκουρος — οὕτως γὰρ αὐτὸν ὠνόμαζεν — ἔχθιστος δικαίως, πάντα ταῦτα ἐν γέλωτι καὶ παιδιᾷ τιθέμενος. διὸ καὶ τὴν Ἄμαστριν ἐμίσει μάλιστα τῶν Ποντικῶν πόλεων, ὅτι ἠπίστατο τοὺς περὶ Λέπιδον καὶ ἄλλους ὁμοίους αὐτοῖς πολλοὺς ἐνόντας ἐν τῇ πόλει· οὐδὲ ἐχρησμῴδησε πώποτε Ἀμαστριανῷ ἀνδρί. ὁπότε δὲ καὶ ἐτόλμησεν ἀδελφῷ συγκλητικοῦ χρησμῳδῆσαι, καταγελάστως ἀπήλλαξεν, οὐχ εὑρὼν οὔτε αὐτὸς πλάσασθαι χρησμὸν δεξιὸν οὔτε τὸν ποιῆσαι πρὸς καιρὸν αὐτῷ δυνησόμενον. μεμφομένῳ γὰρ αὐτῷ στομάχου ὀδύνην προστάξαι βουλόμενος ὕειον πόδα μετὰ μαλάχης ἐσκευασμένον ἐσθίειν οὕτως ἔφη·

Μάλβακα χοιράων ἱερῇ κυμίνευε σιπύδνῳ.

Translations (1)

Alexander the Oracle-monger Perseus (The Works of Lucian of Samosata, Vol. 2. Fowler, Henry Watson and Fowler, Francis George, translators. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1905.) — 25 focus

[25] A time came when a number of sensible people began to shake off their intoxication and combine against him, chief among them the numerous Epicureans; in the cities, the imposture with all its theatrical accessories began to be seen through. It was now that he resorted to a measure of intimidation; he proclaimed that Pontus was overrun with atheists and Christians, who presumed to spread the most scandalous reports concerning him; he exhorted Pontus, as it valued the God’s favour, to stone these men. Touching Epicurus, he gave the following response. An inquirer had asked how Epicurus fared in Hades, and was told:

Of slime is his bed,

And his fetters of lead.

The prosperity of the oracle is perhaps not so wonderful, when one learns what sensible, intelligent questions were in fashion with its votaries. Well, it was war to the knife between him and Epicurus, and no wonder. What fitter enemy for a charlatan who patronized miracles and hated truth, than the thinker who had grasped the nature of things and was in solitary possession of that truth? As for the Platonists, Stoics, Pythagoreans, they were his good friends; he had no quarrel with them. But the unmitigated Epicurus, as he used to call him, could not but be hateful to him, treating all such pretensions as absurd and puerile. Alexander consequently loathed Amastris beyond all the cities of Pontus, knowing what a number of Lepidus’s friends and others like-minded it contained. He would not give oracles to Amastrians; when he once did, to a senator’s brother, he made himself ridiculous, neither hitting upon a presentable oracle for himself, nor finding a deputy equal to the occasion. The man had complained of colic, and what he meant to prescribe was pig’s foot dressed with mallow. The shape it took was:

In basin hallowed

Be pigments mallowed.

Notes on the current edition

Alexander

An inscription from Amastris (C.I.G. 4149) honours "Tiberius Claudius Lepidus, Chief Priest of Pontus and President of the Metropolis of Pontus” (i.e. Amastris). This can be no other than the Lepidus of Lucian. The priesthood1 was that of Augustus. Amastris is almost due of Angora, on the Black Sea, W. of Abonoteichus.

Lucian of Samosata Alexander 25

Austin Morris Harmon (Translator)

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