Hermes
Done.
Zeus
Whom have we still left?
Hermes
The sceptic here. Come forward, Pyrrhias, and be published as fast as you can. Most of the people have already stolen away, and there will be few buyers. All the same, who wants this fellow, too?
Buyer
I do. But first tell me, what is your line of knowledge?
Philosopher
Nothing.
Buyer
What do you mean by that?
Philosopher
That in my opinion nothing at all exists.
Buyer
Then are we nobody, too?
Philosopher
I don't even know that.
Buyer
Nor whether you happen to be somebody, either?
Philosopher
I am still more ignorant of that, by a good deal.
Buyer
What an uncertainty! But, tell me, what do you want with these balances?
Philosopher
I weigh arguments in them and get them even, and when I see them exactly equal and of the same weight, then I am ignorant which is the truer.
Buyer
What else are you clever at?
Philosopher
Everything, except chasing a runaway slave.
Buyer
Why can't you do that?
Philosopher
Because, good sir, I never appresee. hend.
Buyer
Of course. You do seem to be a slow, dull person. But what is the aim of your science?
Philosopher
Ignorance; neither to hear nor to apprehend.
Buyer
You mean, then, to be blind and deaf?
Philosopher
Yes, and incapable of judgment and sensation, and, in a word, the double of an earthworm.
Buyer
I must buy you for that. How much do you say he is worth?
Hermes
Twenty dollars.
Buyer
Here it is. What have you to say, fellow? Have I bought you?
Philosopher
Doubtful.
Buyer
Not at all. I have purchased you and paid the money.
Philosopher
I suspend my judgment about it and consider.
Buyer
You will follow me, as my slave should.
Philosopher
Who knows whether you are telling the truth?
Buyer
The salesman and the eighteen dollars and the by-standers.
Philosopher
Are there, then, any standing by?
Buyer
I will clap you into the mill in a moment, and persuade you by a vicious argument that I am your master.
Philosopher
Suspend your judgment about that.
Buyer
No, by Heaven, I have formed my opinion already!
Hermes
Here, stop your resistance and follow your purchaser. We will summon you again to-morrow, for we are going to put up the lives of the private citizens and artisans and tradesfolk.
Vitarum auctio. Lucian of Samosata. Emily James Smith (Translator). Medford, MA. Perseus 5.0.
Funding provided by National Endowment for the Humanities.