Lucian Symposium 30

Cleodemus had long been looking for an opportunity, as he wanted to pitch into the Stoics and was ready to burst because he could not find a satisfactory opening. But at last the letter gave him his cue, and he said: “That is what your noble Chrysippus does, and your wonderful Zeno and Cleanthes! They are nothing but miserable phrase-makers and question-mongers, philosophers in dress, but in-all else just like Hetoemocles, most of them. And the letter—see how venerable it is! To cap all, Aristaenetus is Oeneus and Hetoemocles is Artemis! Good Lord! In excellent taste, all of it, and just the thing for a festive occasion!”

Cleodemus had been on the look-out for an opportunity; he was spoiling for a fight with the Stoics, and chafing over the difficulty of starting the subject; but the letter had struck the right key, and off he went. ‘Now we see the productions of your fine Chrysippus, your glorious Zeno, your Cleanthes— a few poor catch-words, some fruitless posers, a philosophic exterior, and a large supply of—Hetoemocleses. What ripe wisdom does this letter reveal, with its conclusion that Aristaenetus is an Oeneus, and Hetoemocles an Artemis! How auspicious, how suitable to the occasion, its tone!'