Heracles
What is it, little brother?
80
What is it, little brother?
80
Dionysus
I can't explain.
But still I'll try to tell you in a riddle.
Did you ever feel a sudden urge for soup?
I can't explain.
But still I'll try to tell you in a riddle.
Did you ever feel a sudden urge for soup?
Heracles
Soup! Yowee! Ten thousand times so far.
Soup! Yowee! Ten thousand times so far.
Dionysus
Have I made it clear, or should I try again?
85
Have I made it clear, or should I try again?
85
Heracles
Not about the soup, I fully comprehend.
Not about the soup, I fully comprehend.
Dionysus
Well, just so great a wish gnaws at me now—
For my Euripides.
Well, just so great a wish gnaws at me now—
For my Euripides.
Heracles
And dead, at that!
And dead, at that!
Dionysus
And now no mortal shall persuade me not to
90
Go after him.
And now no mortal shall persuade me not to
90
Go after him.
Heracles
What, down to hell?
What, down to hell?
Dionysus
That's right, and lower still if possible.
That's right, and lower still if possible.
Heracles
With what intent?
With what intent?
Dionysus
I want a clever poet, for the race
95
is now extinct—all who survive are bad.
I want a clever poet, for the race
95
is now extinct—all who survive are bad.
Heracles
What! Isn't Iophon alive?
What! Isn't Iophon alive?
Dionysus
Well, he's the only good thing left, if he's good at all. I don't even know for sure if that's the case.
Well, he's the only good thing left, if he's good at all. I don't even know for sure if that's the case.
Heracles
Why don't you bring back Sophocles, Euripides' superior, if you've really got to take one?
Why don't you bring back Sophocles, Euripides' superior, if you've really got to take one?
Dionysus
Not before I take Iophon aside all by himself,
100
and test what he does without Sophocles. Besides, Euripides is such a scoundrel,
he might well try to run away with me,
but Sophocles was easy going here, and easy going there as well.
Not before I take Iophon aside all by himself,
100
and test what he does without Sophocles. Besides, Euripides is such a scoundrel,
he might well try to run away with me,
but Sophocles was easy going here, and easy going there as well.
Heracles
And where is Agathon?
And where is Agathon?
Dionysus
Oh, he has left us;
105
a decent poet, lamented by his friends.
Oh, he has left us;
105
a decent poet, lamented by his friends.
Heracles
Where has he gone?
Where has he gone?
Dionysus
To the banquet of the Blest.
To the banquet of the Blest.
Heracles
And where's Xenoclees?
And where's Xenoclees?
Dionysus
Oh, God! May he drop dead!
110
Oh, God! May he drop dead!
110
Heracles
What of Pythangelus?
What of Pythangelus?
Xanthias
No word of me,
long suffering with this shoulder ache of mine!
No word of me,
long suffering with this shoulder ache of mine!
89
Heracles
Surely you must have some other youngsters,
At least ten thousand tragic playwrights,
115
All babbling miles further than Euripides.
Surely you must have some other youngsters,
At least ten thousand tragic playwrights,
115
All babbling miles further than Euripides.
Dionysus
These are but stunted offshoots and mere blatherings,
showcases of swallows, banes of The Art,
which disappear at once, if they get a single chorus,
just one chance to piss on tragedy.
120
You'll not find one creative poet,
if you looked, to bawl a noble sentiment.
These are but stunted offshoots and mere blatherings,
showcases of swallows, banes of The Art,
which disappear at once, if they get a single chorus,
just one chance to piss on tragedy.
120
You'll not find one creative poet,
if you looked, to bawl a noble sentiment.
Heracles
Creative, how?
Creative, how?
Dionysus
Creative like one who utters
some great risky phrase like this:
125
“The airy hall of Zeus”, or “foot of time”,
or “heart that would not swear by all that's holy”
and “tongue that swears, without consent of mind.”
Creative like one who utters
some great risky phrase like this:
125
“The airy hall of Zeus”, or “foot of time”,
or “heart that would not swear by all that's holy”
and “tongue that swears, without consent of mind.”
Heracles
This pleases you?
This pleases you?
Dionysus
I'm crazy about it!
130
I'm crazy about it!
130
Heracles
I think it's trash. I'm sure you think so too.
I think it's trash. I'm sure you think so too.
Dionysus
Don't try to run my mind, mind your own business.
Don't try to run my mind, mind your own business.
Heracles
Well, I repeat, it just seems completely rubbish.
Well, I repeat, it just seems completely rubbish.
Dionysus
Teach me how to eat!
Teach me how to eat!
Xanthias
No word of me!
135
No word of me!
135
Dionysus
But this is why I have come in this getup
to look like you; so you would inform me who they were who took you in, in case I needed them, the ones you found down there when you went after Cerberus:
Describe to me the harbours, bakers' shops,
brothels, rest stops, detours, springs, and roads,
the towns, their customs, and the inns
140
Where there are fewest bugs.
But this is why I have come in this getup
to look like you; so you would inform me who they were who took you in, in case I needed them, the ones you found down there when you went after Cerberus:
Describe to me the harbours, bakers' shops,
brothels, rest stops, detours, springs, and roads,
the towns, their customs, and the inns
140
Where there are fewest bugs.
Xanthias
No word of me!
No word of me!
116
Heracles
Why, you rash fellow, will you too dare to go?
Why, you rash fellow, will you too dare to go?
Dionysus
No more of that, but tell me
Which of the roads will bring us quickest down to Hell,
145
And one that's not too hot, nor yet too cold.
No more of that, but tell me
Which of the roads will bring us quickest down to Hell,
145
And one that's not too hot, nor yet too cold.
Heracles
Well, let me see, which shall I tell you first, which one?
There's one starting with a cord and stool,
Just hang yourself!
Well, let me see, which shall I tell you first, which one?
There's one starting with a cord and stool,
Just hang yourself!
Dionysus
Stop—that's suffocation.
150
Stop—that's suffocation.
150
Heracles
Well here's another short well-beaten track,
The pestle and mortar route.
Well here's another short well-beaten track,
The pestle and mortar route.
Dionysus
You mean hemlock!
You mean hemlock!
Heracles
Exactly.
Exactly.
Dionysus
Too cold and wintry.
155
Your shins freeze off immediately.
Too cold and wintry.
155
Your shins freeze off immediately.
Heracles
Well, shall I tell you of a quick and downhill path?
Well, shall I tell you of a quick and downhill path?
Dionysus
Oh yes, I'm really no great walker.
Oh yes, I'm really no great walker.
Heracles
Just slip on down to Ceramicus.
Just slip on down to Ceramicus.
Dionysus
Then what?
160
Then what?
160
Heracles
Climb up onto the top of the tower.
Climb up onto the top of the tower.
Dionysus
And do what?
And do what?
Heracles
From there observe the torch race starting up,
And when the spectators cry “The're off!”
You go off too.
165
From there observe the torch race starting up,
And when the spectators cry “The're off!”
You go off too.
165
Dionysus
Go where?
Go where?
Heracles
Below.
Below.
Dionysus
But then I'd lose the two dolmades of my brain!
I'd never go that way.
But then I'd lose the two dolmades of my brain!
I'd never go that way.
Heracles
How will you go?
170
How will you go?
170
Dionysus
The road you went.
The road you went.
Heracles
It's a hell of a haul.
Right off you'll come to an enormous lake,
A fathomless abyss!
It's a hell of a haul.
Right off you'll come to an enormous lake,
A fathomless abyss!
Dionysus
How will I get across?
175
How will I get across?
175
Heracles
In a little boat—just so big!—an aged mariner will take you over, and take two obols for your fare.
In a little boat—just so big!—an aged mariner will take you over, and take two obols for your fare.
Dionysus
Bah, how powerful those two obols everywhere!
How'd they get there?
Bah, how powerful those two obols everywhere!
How'd they get there?
Heracles
Theseus introduced them.
And after this you'll see ten thousand snakes
180
And terrible wild beasts.
Theseus introduced them.
And after this you'll see ten thousand snakes
180
And terrible wild beasts.
Dionysus
Don't frighten me or make me scared.
You won't turn me aside
Don't frighten me or make me scared.
You won't turn me aside
Heracles
Then a great slough
of ever-flowing dung, and in it lie
185
any who ever wronged his guest,
or screwed a boy and took back the pay,
Or thrashed his mother, or smacked his father's jaw,
or swore a perjured oath,
Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.
190
Then a great slough
of ever-flowing dung, and in it lie
185
any who ever wronged his guest,
or screwed a boy and took back the pay,
Or thrashed his mother, or smacked his father's jaw,
or swore a perjured oath,
Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.
190
Frogs. Aristophanes. Matthew Dillon (Translator). . 2026-09-08.
Sponsored by Perseus Project, Tufts University.