Plutarch, De amicorum multitudine, Frank Cole Babbitt (Translator), 6

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[6] But if all our friends want the same things at the same time, it is hard to satisfy all, in either their counsels, their public life, their ambitions, or their dispensing of hospitality. And if at one and the same time they chance to be occupied in diverse activities and experiences, and call upon us at the same instant, one to join him on a voyage to foreign parts, another to help him in defending a suit, another to sit with him as judge, another to help him in managing his buying and selling, another to help him to celebrate his wedding, another to mourn with him at a funeral, ¹ The city is with burning incense filled; Full too of joyous hymns and doleful groans ² is the possession of a host of friends. It is impossible to be with them all, and unnatural to be with none, and yet to do a service to one alone, and thus to offend many, is a source of vexation; For fond affection does not brook neglect.³

Yet people are more tolerant of acts of negligence and remissness on the part of their friends, and they accept from them without anger such excuses as I forgot, I didn’t know. But the man who says, I did not appear with you when your case was in court, for I was appearing with another friend, and I did not come and see you when you had fever, for I was busy helping so-and-so to entertain some friends, thus alleging, as the reason for his inattention, his attention to others, does not absolve himself from blame, but only aggravates the trouble by arousing jealousy. But most people, apparently, look at the possession of a host of friends merely from the point of view of what such friendships are able to bestow, and overlook what these demand in return, forgetting that he who accepts the services of many for his needs must in turn render like service to many in their need. Therefore, just as Briareus in purveying for fifty bellies with an hundred hands had no advantage over us who manage one stomach with what two hands provide, so in making use of many friends is involved also serving many, and sharing in their anxieties, preoccupations, and troubles. For no credence is to be given to Euripides ⁴ when he says:

In the friendship which mortals with each other form Moderation should rule, and it never should reach To the soul’s inmost marrow; and easy to loose Should the spells ever be that are laid on the mind So to thrust them aside or to draw them close,

thus easing off one’s friendship or hauling it close according to exigencies, like the sheet of a ship’s sail. But let us, my dear Euripides, turn the application ⁵ of this advice to our enmities, and advise the use of moderation in our disagreements, not reaching the soul’s inmost marrow, and that hatred, anger, complainings, and suspicions be easy to loose, and commend rather to us the Pythagorean ⁶ maxim, not to clasp hands with many; that is, not to make many friends nor to welcome a common and indiscriminate friendship, or even a friendship with one person, if the coming of any friendship into one’s life brings with it many afflictions, wherein refusal to share the other’s anxieties, burdens, toils, and dangers is altogether intolerable for free-born and generous persons.

There is truth in the remark of the wise Chilon,⁷ who, in answer to the man who boasted of having no enemy, said, The chances are that you have no friend either. For enmities follow close upon friendships, and are interwoven with them, inasmuch as

De amicorum multitudine. Plutarch. Frank Cole Babbitt (Translator). Cambridge, MA. 1928.

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Current edition Perseus

On Having Many Friends (English) (Plutarch. Moralia, Vol. II. Babbitt, Frank Cole, translator. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press; London: William Heinemann Ltd., 1928 (printing).)

Editions (1)

Περὶ πολυφιλίας Perseus (Plutarch. Plutarchi Chaeronensis Moralia, Vol I. Vernardakēs, Grēgorios N., editor. Leipzig: Teubner, 1888.) — 6 focus

[6] καίτοι κἂν πάντες ἅμα τῶν αὐτῶν οἱ φίλοι 25 δέωνται, χαλεπὸν ἐξαρκέσαι πᾶσι βουλευομένοις ἢ πολιτευομένοις ἢ φιλοτιμουμένοις ἢ ὑποδεχομένοις. ἂν δʼ ἑνὶ καιρῷ διαφόροις πράγμασι καὶ πάθεσι προστυγχάνοντες ὁμοῦ παρακαλῶσιν ὁ μὲν πλέων συναποδημεῖν, ὁ δὲ κρινόμενος συνδικεῖν, ὁ δὲ κρίνων συνδικάζειν, ὁ δὲ πιπράσκων ἢ ἀγοράζων 5 συνδιοικεῖν, ὁ δὲ γαμῶν συνθύειν, ὁ δὲ θάπτων συμπενθεῖν,

πόλις δʼ ὁμοῦ μὲν θυμιαμάτων γέμῃ,

ὁμοῦ δὲ παιάνων τε καὶ στεναγμάτων

95d ἡ πολυφιλία, πᾶσι μὲν ἀμήχανον παρεῖναι, μηδενὶ 10 δʼ ἄτοπον, ἑνὶ δʼ ὑπουργοῦντα προσκρούειν πολλοῖς ἀνιαρὸν

οὐδεὶς γὰρ ἀγαπῶν αὐτὸς ἀμελεῖθʼ ἡδέως

Καίτοι τὰς ἀμελείας καὶ ῥᾳθυμίας τῶν φίλων πραότερον φέρουσι, καὶ τὰς τοιαύτας ἀπολογίας ἀμηνίτως 15 δέχονται παρʼ αὐτῶν ἐξελαθόμην ἠγνόησα ὁ δὲ λέγων οὐ παρέστην σοι δίκην ἔχοντι, παριστάμην γὰρ ἑτέρῳ φίλῳ, καὶ πυρέττοντά σʼ οὐκ εἶδον, τῷ δεῖνι γὰρ φίλους ἑστιῶντι συνησχολούμην αἰτίαν τῆς ἀμελείας τὴν ἑτέρων ἐπιμέλειαν ποιούμενος 20 95e οὐ λύει τὴν μέμψιν, ἀλλὰ προσεπιβάλλει ζηλοτυπίαν. ἀλλʼ οἱ πολλοὶ τὰς πολυφιλίας ἃ δύνανται παρέχειν μόνον ὡς ἔοικε σκοποῦσιν, ἃ δʼ ἀνταπαιτοῦσι παρορῶσι, καὶ οὐ μνημονεύουσιν ὅτι δεῖ τὸν πολλοῖς εἰς ἃ δεῖται χρώμενον πολλοῖς δεομένοις 25 ἀνθυπουργεῖν. ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ Βριάρεως ἑκατὸν χερσὶν εἰς πεντήκοντα φορῶν γαστέρας οὐδὲν ἡμῶν πλέον εἶχε τῶν ἀπὸ δυεῖν χεροῖν μίαν κοιλίαν διοικούντων , οὕτως ἐν τοῖς φίλοις χρήσιμον³ καὶ τὸ λειτουργεῖν πολλοῖς ἔνεστι⁴ καὶ τὸ συναγωνιᾶν⁵ καὶ τὸ συνασχολεῖσθαι καὶ συγκάμνειν. οὐ γὰρ Εὐριπίδῃ πειστέον λέγοντι 5

χρῆν γὰρ μετρίας⁶ εἰς ἀλλήλους

φιλίας θνητοὺς ἀνακίρνασθαι 95f

καὶ μὴ πρὸς ἄκρον μυελὸν ψυχῆς,

εὔλυτα δʼ εἶναι στέργηθρα⁷ φρενῶν,

ἀπὸ τʼ ὤσασθαι καὶ ξυντεῖναι,

10 καθάπερ πόδα νεὼς ἐνδιδόντι καὶ προσάγοντι ταῖς χρείαις τὴν φιλίαν. ἀλλὰ τοῦτο μέν, ὦ Εὐριπίδη, μεταθῶμεν ἐπὶ τὰς ἔχθρας, καὶ κελεύωμεν μετρίας ποιεῖσθαι τὰς διαφορὰς καὶ μὴ πρὸς ἄκρον μυελὸν ψυχῆς, εὔλυτα δʼ εἶναι μίση καὶ ὀργὰς καὶ μεμψιμοιρίας 15 96a καὶ ὑπονοίας· ἐκεῖνο δὲ μᾶλλον ἡμῖν παραίνει τὸ Πυθαγορικὸν μὴ πολλοῖς ἐμβάλλειν δεξιὰν τουτέστι μὴ πολλοὺς ποιεῖσθαι φίλους μηδὲ πολύκοινον μηδὲ πάνδημον ἀσπάζεσθαι φιλίαν καὶ πρὸς ἐναντίην ἢ μετὰ⁸ πολλῶν παθῶν εἰσιοῦσαν, ὧν τὸ 20 μὲν συναγωνιᾶν καὶ συνάχθεσθαι καὶ συμπονεῖν καὶ συγκινδυνεύειν πάνυ δύσοιστον τοῖς ἐλευθέροις καὶ γενναίοις ἐστί· τὸ δὲ τοῦ σοφοῦ Χίλωνος ἀληθές, ὃς πρὸς τὸν εἰπόντα μηδένα ἔχειν ἐχθρὸν ἔοικας ἔφη σὺ μηδὲ φίλον ἔχειν. αἱ γὰρ ἔχθραι ταῖς 25 φιλίαις εὐθὺς ἐπακολουθοῦσι καὶ συμπλέκονται, ἐπείπερ

Translations (1)

Of Large Acquaintance: or, an Essay to Prove the Folly of Seeking Many Friends Perseus (Plutarch. Plutarch's Morals, Vol. I. Goodwin, William W., editor, translator. Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1874.) — 6 focus

[6] However, suppose by great chance all should agree to crave assistance in the same affair, whether at a consult, exercise of a public trust in the government, canvassing for preferment, entertaining guests, or the like; yet it is exceeding hard to satisfy all. But now if they are engaged in diverse concerns at the very same moment of time, and every one should make his particular request to you, one to take a voyage with him, another to assist in pleading his cause, a third to prosecute a criminal, a fourth to help in managing his trade, another to celebrate his wedding, and another to attend a funeral,—

And the whole city’s filled with incense smoke,

And songs of triumph mixt with groans resound;¹

I say, in this case, it is utterly impossible to answer the requests of all, to gratify none is absurd, and to serve only one and disoblige the rest is a thing grievous and intolerably rude;— for no one, when he loves a friend, will bear to be neglected.² If indeed you could persuade that inadvertency was the cause of the omission, you might more easily hope a pardon; and to plead forgetfulness is a sort of excuse which perhaps might pass without much angering your friend; but to allege I could not be advocate in your cause, being of counsel for another, or I could not visit you in a fever, because I was invited to a feast elsewhere, while it is thus confessed that we neglect one friend to pay our respects to another, is so far from extenuating the offence, that it highly aggravates it, and adds all the jealousies of rivalry.

But commonly men overlook these and such like inconveniences of a numerous acquaintance, and take only a prospect of its advantages, not in the least reflecting that whoever employs many assistants in his affairs must in gratitude repay his service to as many when they need it; and as Briareus, who with his hundred hands was daily obliged for his bare subsistence to feed fifty stomachs, could thrive no better than ourselves, who supply a single one with two hands, so a man of many friends cannot boast any other privilege but that of being a slave to many, and of sharing in all the business, cares, and disquiet that may befall them. Nor can Euripides help him by advising that

Best suited to the state

Of mortal life are mutual friendships formed

With moderation, such as take not root

Deep in the soul, affections that with ease

May be relaxed, or closer bound at will,³

that is, we may pull in and let out our friendships like a sail, as the wind happens to blow. Let us rather, good Euripides, turn this saying of yours to enmity; for heats and animosities ought to be moderate, and never reach the inmost recesses of the soul; hatred, anger, complaints, and jealousies may with good reason be readily appeased and forgotten. Therefore it is far more advisable, as Pythagoras directs, not to shake hands with too many,—that is, not to make many friends,—nor to affect that popular kind of easiness which courts and embraces every acquaintance that occurs, but carries with it on the reverse a thousand mischiefs; among which (as was before hinted) to bear part of the same cares, to be affected with the same sorrows, and to be embroiled in the same enterprises and dangers with any great number of friends will be a sort of life hardly tolerable even to the most ingenuous and generous tempers. What Chilon the wise man remarked to one who said he had no enemies, namely, Thou seemest rather to have no friends, has a great deal of truth; for enmities always keep pace and are interwoven with friendships.

Notes on the current edition

On Having Many Friends

1. The language here seems to be an amplification of Aristotle, Ethica Nicom. ix. 10.

2. Sophocles, Oedipus Tyrannus, 4; cited by Plutarch also in Moralia, 169 D, 445 D, and 623 C.

3. A line from Menander, cited also in Moralia, 491 C; cf. Kock, Com. Attic. Frag. iii. p. 213.

4. Hippolytus, 253.

5. Hippolytus, 253.

6. Cf. Moralia, vol. i. 12 E and the note.

7. Cf. Moralia, 86 C, and Aulus Gellius, i. 3.

Plutarch De amicorum multitudine 6

Frank Cole Babbitt (Translator)

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